Friday, August 20, 2010

Preparation is key

When people get mad it would do a world of good to have them standing in a room full of blow up squeaky bats. That way no matter how much they wanted to pound the inciter with a two by four, they'd only succeed in popping a few bats. Hell, they'd probably even get the giggles. "I'm gonna kick your ass!" *squeak* *squeak* *squeak* My point is that getting mad at the toy store would be much better than say the gun store. The equation is simple. Get mad + want to hit + need a weapon = grab the first thing you see. What did this week's winner grab? A scooter. He gets mad and the scooter is now in evidence. I have this mental image of some dude waving a scooter around his head and it's swiveling like a helicopter blade up there. You can't not look like a lunatic if you're wielding a scooter. Huh, maybe my toy store analogy wasn't so good after all. I swear if I see Mr. Potato Head listed as a weapon one day I'm not going to be able to stifle that laugh during the meeting.

I couldn't do this week's weapon winner without giving y'all some lagniappe. A local business that has had several break-ins decides that a guard dog would be a good idea. So they get themselves a boxer, probably name him Killer or Bruiser, and feel much better about leaving at night. Of course the thieves come calling again. Guess what the one thing they took was? Killer is now living a life of crime, no doubt wearing one of those awesome spiked collars. Irony can be so cruel.


  1. I would like to rage in a cupcake store. Or Build a Bear. Oh, yes. To tear those bears apart and assault my enemies with stuffing. Good times.

  2. **body drops to floor** Steam Me Up, Kid left me a comment. This means she read my blog. I've peaked, and now died happy.